A Future Worth Waiting For

It's been almost three weeks since I became an engaged woman and I must admit it's still sinking in. I've spent many years praying, hoping, and dreaming about the person I would share the rest of my life with, so it's still hard to grasp that those dreams have come to fruition.

And as much as I'm still basking in the joy of it all and trying to simply inhale it all in, I'm very much aware of the heart that I have for young girls, specifically single women, as I have spent the majority of my life up until this point as one. Not to offer relationship advice, cause this is all very much new territory for me, but rather single advice and how to spend those years well.

While all of my friends were getting married 10 years ago and beginning to have babies not long after that, I knew God was calling me to singleness for a season. At times that season seemed way longer than I wanted it to be, and yet, I knew it was necessary to accomplish the things God laid on my heart to do. Often my married friends would remind me that the season I was in was a gift and I should use that time wisely because it wouldn't last. And I'm so thankful that I did. Not just because singleness afforded me the time and focus to accomplish a lot, (like putting out 4 albums), but I learned what it was for my Heavenly Father to be the main man in my life, my first love, and my everything.

And that season had the same benefit for Chris - to grow in the Lord as a man of God, learning how to seek Him first and make Him Lord of his life.

So, if anything, the new challenge for both of us during this time of preparing for marriage is to keep God in His rightful place as our first love.

Though I have a lot to say on the matter, I wanted to share a few things for those like me, who have been waiting for what feels like an eternity, and for those much younger, who absolutely dread the possibility of remaining single all the way through their 20's.

My overarching admonition is this: wait.

1. In every sense of the word, wait. Wait for the right person to come into your life. The one who makes you laugh, is your best friend, and who you "can't get enough of". Those are a few of the measures I used when dating, and those are the criterion that kept me single for a long time as I simply didn't find that with anyone.

2. Wait also for all things physical.

I cannot imagine treading through the tumultuous times of heartache after heartache and also having to carry the weight of tethering myself to someone physically and having to sever that tie over and over again. I think it is a tragedy that so many unmarried men and women believe the lie that physical intimacy is a normal part of dating when God designed it to be within the safe, confines of marriage. This is something I am still waiting for until I said "I do," and I would urge everyone who is single, whether they have failed in this area before or not, to make a commitment to wait until marriage.

3. The last thing I would urge any unmarried person to do is to wait for the one who prays. Not just someone who blesses a table or says a quick prayer for those in need, but someone who knows true intimacy with the Father through prayer. Recently I asked Chris when he knew I was "the one" he wanted to marry, and I have been pondering that question myself lately. For me, I don't know that it was a specific moment, but rather a series of cumulative moments. One in particular I remember is a time we spent in prayer together. We pray together often, but this specific time was one of the first where we were both vulnerable before the throne, and let each other witness that vulnerability. I've never experienced intimacy like that before and would argue that true intimacy in relationships begin and end with an intimate relationship with the Father.

Chris asked to pray with me in front of the Buckingham Fountain before he knelt down and asked me to marry him.

But I couldn't just look for a man who prayed. I had to develop the discipline of prayer myself. And I would argue that is what led me to Chris. Not long before we met and began dating, my prayer life regarding my future spouse shifted. Instead of praying for a fairy tale, I prayed for a friend. I asked God for a helpmate. I had hit the point in my ministry where I realized I couldn't do it alone and needed someone to come alongside me in ministry as my partner. I even jokingly told God that I didn't need romance or any of that other "silly, unnecessary stuff," I just needed a friend and I needed a helper. Then Chris entered the scene.

As much of an answer to prayer as he is, Chris is not perfect. I am not perfect. But we know the Perfect One. I do not idolize Chris and it is my prayer that I will never put him before God. Chris may be the man I am marrying, but He is not "The One." God is "The One" and we both recognize the only way we will have success in our marriage is if we are always keenly aware of that.

Like I said, I don't have relationship advice to offer, because I haven't lived in that world long enough. But I was single long enough to know that marriage is not a Disney movie. Marriage will be the daily fight to love and respect my spouse like Christ loved the Church, laying His life down for Her. Not just in a single act, as Christ's triumphant victory on the cross, but a daily laying my life, my needs, my wants, my dreams down for him as one of my greatest acts of obedience to God in His command to “love your neighbor as yourself.”

So wait. Pray. And commit whatever season of life you are in to the Lord, asking Him how you should spend it. Because, for everything, there is a season.

Fasting: Part 1

Everyone should fast.

Everyone.

A few months ago I didn’t hold to that belief, but I hold it as strong as any other aspect of my faith now.

I was somewhat familiar with the concept of fasting growing up. As a kid, I heard my parents and other adults in our congregation talking about meeting together to pray and fast. As an adult, my friends and family have offered to pray and fast for me here and there. And I even fasted a couple of times, especially in times of crisis. But even then, I didn’t really understand the importance of it, nor how commonplace fasting is in the Bible.

This past summer I had been fasting regularly 1-2 days out of the month. Sometimes it was for prayer, other times in solidarity with another believer who was fasting. Prior to that, the longest time I went without food was a 3-day juice cleanse that I barely survived (or so I thought at the time).

Though it’s an expression of worship and act of faith I knew of, it is definitely something I didn’t fully grasp until recently, when the Holy Spirit led me into an extended fast. It was one of those random days out of the month that I opted to fast and pray and I was sitting outside on the patio praying and journaling. As I journaled my prayers, I found that everything I was praying were prayers I felt as though I’d been praying over and over for a long time, but was still awaiting answers to. As I looked at my lists, the overarching prayer became, “God, I just need a breakthrough in all of these areas.” While I was praying I remembered a book a friend had given me a few years back, simply called, Fasting. It was as if God spoke to my spirit and said, “Remember that book? It’s on your bookshelf on the second shelf. Go get that book and start reading.”

So I did, and immediately my eyes were opened to story after story in the Bible where the followers of God not only prayed and saw the Hand of God move…they fasted. These were passages of scripture that I had read and heard countless times but, somehow, I missed a pretty significant detail: fasting. The book also gives countless testimony of members of the author’s church who partake in a 21-day church-wide fast every January and the outcomes of their experiences; like marriages being restored, financial provision, and even complete healing from cancer. As I continued reading and praying, I knew I needed to get serious in my obedience to God and begin an extended fast.

So I set out to fast for 7-10 days.

Only water.

Since my time frame was open, I prayed that God would show me when to break the fast. I was really hoping for 7 days. But that’s not what I heard from God. Three days into the fast I felt the Lord tell me in my spirit to do 14 days. So I did. And, as I’ve said, it was hands down the best thing I have ever done for my spiritual life and relationship with God.

Let me just stop here to say that I do not have super-human discipline.

I am not sharing any of this to be all, “Hey, look at how religious and awesome and holy I am;” on the contrary. Though the fast was one of the best things I’ve ever done, it was also one of the hardest and I lived off of both my prayers and the prayers of others during those 2 weeks.

So why am I writing about all of this?

The reason my blog is titled, “The Art of Obedience,” is not because it sounds cute. It’s because, be it music, art, food, fitness, or any other area of my life, I want to be obedient in everything God calls me to do. I want it all to be an act of worship. So, my reason for sharing so openly about this particular area is to give testimony of part of my faith walk where I had been lacking and now intend to be more obedient in. ‘Cause growing up everything I heard about fasting always seemed so secretive that fasting was kind of an enigma. I knew Jesus did it for 40 days[i], and I knew of the Bible verses[ii] which explain how you’re not really supposed to talk about the fact that you’re fasting when you are, so I guess, because of those scriptures, it’s unfortunately become something we just don’t talk much about at all. But after doing this fast, sharing with friends and family members, and reading countless testimony after testimony in Franklin Jentezen’s Fasting, I now realize how others can be encouraged and edified through practicing the discipline of fasting and sharing how God worked in their lives during and after their fast.

So here’s what I learned:

1.    Food clogs up your brain

It’s amazing how simply not eating clears your head and helps you think straight. Though I felt weak and depended heavily on the prayers of family and friends at certain points throughout the fast (particularly the first few days) I can honestly say I never felt better. Yes, in a general sense of the word I felt weak and the hunger never escaped me, but this caused me to be more intentional. Because I didn’t have extra energy to expend, I was ten times more intentional in my interactions with people. I chose my words more carefully, I thought before I spoke, and I only spoke when I felt it necessary. It was the same, obviously, in my prayers. At first I began with my laundry list of requests, but as the fast continued, they looked more like, “God, what do you want to say to me? Who can I pray for today? How can I honor You with this day?” Which leads me to my second observation:

2.    Fasting opens your ears to both the Holy Spirit’s promptings & convictions

When you ask the Holy Spirit to convict you and show you the areas of your life that don’t honor God, He will show you, and then some. :) In Jentezen’s Fasting, he tells a story of a woman who dropped a teapot in a well as a child and, years later, asked some people to dig it out to find the teapot. As they were digging, they found many, many other things that were dropped and lost in the well also. Franklin explains that fasting is like that well; you enter into it with certain prayers and expectations, and the Holy Spirit shows you why He really led you into a time of fasting. For me it was how I can be more intentional in my prayer life for the people I interact with on a daily basis, the fruits of the Spirit like joy, patience, kindness, faithfulness, and self control that I haven’t been modeling Jesus in, and ultimately how my first response in all areas of my life is always, “what can I do to make this happen,” instead of, “How can I pray and wait expectantly for God to make this happen?” My time of fasting revealed many things and I went into it for many reasons. God already began revealing answers to those prayers the day I broke my fast. Others I’m still waiting on. But those fruits I’m missing, that power struggle for control, the wavering faith; those areas He began chiseling away at during my fast and has continued to since.

3.    Fasting feels like being on vacation with God

This is the best way I can describe those two weeks. As someone in ministry, feeling like I’m constantly under attack from the Enemy and residing in a battlefield of spiritual warfare has become the norm. My time of fasting, however, was a wonderful respite from that.  And because I was literally praying from the moment my eyes opened in the morning until I shut them at night, I felt so near to the presence of God. I talked to Him all day long for 14 days. By the time day 13 rolled around I didn’t want it to end. I had more energy on days 13 and 14 than I have on any day where I got 8 hours of sleep, drank coffee, and ate plenty of energizing foods. I slept better than I ever have during those 14 days. I felt the nearness and presence of God in a more tangible way than ever before, and I was honestly sad that it was coming to an end.

I led worship in church during the last two days of the fast. Normally, after a weekend of leading for 5 services, by Sunday afternoon I have nothing left. I usually just completely crash, wanting to do nothing more than indulge in a movie and some of my favorite foods. You know, do and eat the things that bring you comfort. But there is no such thing as comfort food on a fast, Jesus is your only comfort. And honestly, I wasn’t even tired Sunday afternoon and had no desire to watch a movie. I had also fasted from TV during those two weeks as well, simply because it felt like it would just poison that sweet time I was spending with God, so when a friend asked me how I’d celebrate the last few hours, I told her that I was just going to do what I did every day during those 14 days; I walked for a few miles and talked with God. It was the perfect ending to my little two-week vacation from food.

So why should everyone fast?

There are a million answers I could give here, but this is the simplest:

Fasting is the best way I've learned to get closer to God.

That is why the Lord says,
    “Turn to me now, while there is time.
Give me your hearts.
    Come with fasting, weeping, and mourning.
Don’t tear your clothing in your grief,
    but tear your hearts instead.”
Return to the Lord your God,
    for he is merciful and compassionate,
slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.
    He is eager to relent and not punish.

~Joel 2:12-13~

[i] Matthew 4:1-11

[ii] Matthew 6:16-18

Compromise

Has the pendulum swung too far…again

This is a question I have been asking myself lately. The pendulum, however, is my own internal one, that which holds the plumb line of standards in place.

I beg the question because I have noticed in recent years, the adaptation of a doctrine of compromise

When my generation were all young kids, those in the church were most likely indoctrinated with legalism and, as a result, fundamentalism.

What felt like rules for the sake of rules, like no dancing, complete abstention from alcohol, and even the forbiddance of women from wearing jeans, birthed a generation which asked the question “why,” and when they realized that dancing was fun and they were able to partake without stumbling, it begged the question of “what else are we being told we shouldn’t do that maybe we could.”

So now, here we are, it’s 2016. Pastors have tattoos, we carry our coffee into the sanctuary worship center, not only do women wear jeans, we darn well wear whatever we feel like it…and so do men, Bible study small groups serve alcoholic beverages, and Christian culture has grown into one of acceptance and tolerance.

We have progressed. What was once fire and brimstone, finger pointing and name calling now promotes acceptance, love, and understanding of people where they are.

I think many people would argue that the pendulum in our parents’ era, and, especially our parent’s parents’ era had swung way too far to the right and the pull toward the middle was healthy.

And yet, here I am, questioning if I have become far too left of center.

At what point will I know, will we know, if we’ve gone too far?

The Bible teaches we are to be in the world and not of the world[i]. So what does that look like? Does that mean it’s okay to be at the bar but not partake? Or partake, but not too much? Where is the boundary?

What about over indulgence in food?

Here’s my dilemma: if we cause another person to stumble by our actions, then we are at fault, right?

So, though we have the freedom to wear whatever we want, is it okay for a woman to wear a low-cut shirt and sit front row in church, right in plain sight for the pastor to have to be distracted by the whole service?

Though we have the freedom to eat and drink, is it okay for someone to have way too much of either and behave completely out of line with scripture, but justify it with forgiveness and grace, only to repeat the same behavior the following weekend?

The question is, when is enough, enough? When is too far, too far?

This isn’t a question I can answer for you, it is simply a question I have been asking myself.

Jesus is revealing to me what parts of me are becoming a distraction or stumbling block in which I need to do away with for a time until I can become a better steward of these areas.

As the Lord has been working on my heart, He has directed me to scriptures such as, “Be perfect, therefore, as your Heavenly Father is perfect.[ii]” And, “I have come not to abolish the law, but to fulfill it[iii],” and further still, “If you right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out, and if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away[iv].”

These words are not Old Testament law. These are the words of Jesus.

And when I read those, I’m cut to the core, straight through the marrow. And it makes me question things.

Things like, what kind of movies and music I expose myself to. The kind of humor or language I share with friends. What things I look to for comfort when I should be going to God first. How I spend my time and money. And, for me at least, what am I spending the majority of my time on a daily basis thinking about.

It’s interesting. In my many years of being a Christian, I feel like I’m finally coming to a place where I am so fully aware of my desperate need for grace.

Consequently enough, I then realize how I’ve cheapened it through justification.

It’s so easy to compromise and make excuses because you know you have forgiveness waiting for you on the other side of that poor decision.

Something else I have seen in my own life, as well as the lives of those close to me is the after effects of trials, pain, and heartache. We become calloused and maybe even rebellious, with an attitude of, “Well God, I tried things Your way and look where that got me.” This tells me that maybe our motives for living a righteous life are a little…off. If we truly examine ourselves, are walking the straight and narrow because of what we believe God will reward us with as a result, or are we walking it because of our unwavering love for Christ, knowing that leading the life that He has called us to will honor Him?

After all, my Bible says it “rains on the righteous and the unrighteous[v].”

So maybe the real question we must ask ourselves is not so much, “what have I adapted to that I shouldn’t,” but rather why?

If it is so easy for us to choose the path that is wide, that tells me that we don’t really believe God. Not really.

Rather we believe the lies, “Did God really say that[vi]?”

It is up to us to answer with, “Yes, yes He did.”

So, again, I’m not pointing fingers or saying one thing is bad and one thing isn’t. After all, I don a tattoo on my right foot as a personal reminder of one of my favorite stories in scripture, and I’m sure many Christians would condemn me for that.

The purpose of this is to inspire you to take your own personal inventory.

What do you feel you have compromised on? Where have you become too lax? Where are you taking God’s grace for granted by repeatedly involving yourself in a behavior you know you shouldn’t?

Who knows how or when the pendulum will swing in our society. I truly believe a lot of the change that happened in the Church since I was young has been for the better. Consequently enough, one of those changes is that which prompts one to ask questions and figure out why they believe what they believe. It is that philosophy that has brought me to this place of self-assessment, realizing there are some things I’ve been too lax on and want to change so that I better exemplify Christ.

The question is: what is it for you?

After you ask this question and are honest with yourself, don’t sit in condemnation. Admit to yourself and to God where you need help, ask for forgiveness, then hold fast to His promise that, because Jesus died on the cross for our past, our present, and our future, we can rest in the knowledge that we can Begin Again.

[i] 1 John 2:15, John 15:9, James 4:4, & Romans 12:2

[ii] Matthew 5:48

[iii] Matthew 5:17

[iv] Matthew 5:29-30

[v] Matthew 5:45

[vi] Genesis 3:1